I wish you all the happiness in the world

Every time I see you two together, it kills me
Every time I hear you laugh with him on the phone, it kills
me.
I feel so torn and alone and that I don't matter to you or anyone..
it kills me.
Every time you come back, it kills me.

So I decided to let everything you do and say stop killing me, by killing myself.

I loved you so much, I wanted to be your everything, but I wasn't, I couldn't be..you didn't want to put in the effort and I was to blind to see it.

I have no faith in myself anymore, I've tried so so hard to be someone to myself, but I couldn't do it.
The loss of my mother, and now the loss of you is too much for me to bare.
I wanted to know that I still mattered to you. All I wanted was a hug.

I wanted you to talk to me, but you didn't know how to. You said it's my problem, you can't help me. But you could have. you could have held me, you could have asked me more often if I was ok, you could have tried to spend time with me. you would have had the rest of your life to be with him, laugh with him, love him, cherish him.

All I wanted was for you to say, "hey, lets watch a movie together" "hey, let me make you breakfest" or just hey.."ask me how i'm doing", but not be on your cell phone while doing that.

you cast me aside so quickly ..you turned away so fast. I can't deal with it. I can't not now..knowing that you and him are in the next room growing your new life together. I wish you all the happiness in the world. I hope you learn to open up and really show bryant how great you are.

I'm done with the heart ache, i'm done with the sleepless nights, the crying, the sense of loss, the cold loneliness . you didn't even want to try to work things out..I love you ..and I'm mad at you ..

I'm done feelinglke this..I can't. i just can't.

I leave all my belongings to you. the key for the safe box is in my jewelry box.  take care of the girls.
just burn my body.

i blame myself for who i am and what i've chosen to do. I hate you for leaving me, but I still love you. and I hope byrant is everything you hoped for. I pray that he takes care of you when you need it and that he give you the space that I couldn't to live your own life and make your own mistakes .

I'm done..so done with this pain.
god forgive me.