Can't focus and Cant let go

I can't let go and its starting to get to me again.
I sent tony a message and I haven't heard back from him. At first I was trying not to focus and care because I had to get sleep to go to work after my double shift last night. But now..i'm wondering what he's up to or where he is. I just don't know how to handle it. I tried distracting myself by chatting with other people, browsing the internet, but all I keep thinking is that my cable will get shut off by friday. and I'm kicking myself in the ass for buying mass effect andromeda digitally. I've got 40 bucks left to my name and 2 weeks till my next paycheck which will go to rent. So I feel that I'm being backed into a corner.
I feel more tied down then ever. I need to do something soon or else my the time I get paid..everything will be turned off and  I won't be able to fix it. it would be like trying to move a giant bolder with a small stick.
And I can't ask anyone for help.

I am alone!

I just want to get my head and my heart not focusing on tony or any of them right now. I'm thinking of him as if I need him. Like I need him to say hello to me, to comfort me, just to hear his voice makes me feel that the whole world is better.

Like my mom use to be to me. No matter what, her voice always made me feel that no matter what; I was going to be ok. Like I need that reassurance. knowing that they would always be there. But I don't have that right now. I'll never have that again. My mother is gone and so is tony. I must rely on myself but I have no strength in my words.

I keep telling myself that I don't care, but I do care. I'm done with always being afraid.
I need comfort and support and I can't do it.