It's been a long two months since I started my anti-depressant medication. it's helped, but now I feel as if my body adjusting to it. and i'm started to feel sad, but for different reasons. The lack of socializing and going out, the boredom, the loneliness, lack of funds. I no longer have that rock bottom mentality, but I feel sad none the less..
I know medication is only half of the answer, I need to work on the second half. I have to put in effort to make myself feel better and with using the things around me. I've been lazy and accepting that laziness. I need to learn to take self control of myself. All past weekend..all I've been thinking about is having cold soda. Soda has become my drug. I can't control that, or I feel that I can't control that.
I've come to realize there are things in my personal life I really need to work on. I've taken the time to morn my losses, I've taken my time to cry and embrace my sorrows . I've taken the time to hate myself, feel sorry for myself, forgive myself and learn to start loving myself. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm learning to breath again. I've been so afraid of failing that i've come to rely on that fear and live within it. My personal prison of fear and self doubt/hatred. I've lived in it for too long. I have to learn to leave the familiar feelings behind. let go of my inner fears of failure. I must sacrifice my familiar comforts if i'm going to be able to grow strong and gain insight into the person i want to be for myself.
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